Love that knows no bounds

God seemed so distant, so cold. Why had he allowed me to be raped in my own home as my babies slept in the next room? And why had he allowed my third child to be conceived in this way, instead of within the sanctity of marriage, as Steve and I had planned?

 

But God was there. Although sin had its run, God was there. We just had to be reminded that He is not a God of easy fixes. Steve and I became desperate, and sometimes it’s that human desperation that drives us to God. We know Him; we love Him; we say we trust Him. But sometimes, we do not cleave to Him as the lover of our souls until we find ourselves completely helpless.

 

As for the fairness of being victimized, we have to realize that ever since sin began there have been victims. Cain slew Abel (Gen. 4:1-8). Amnon raped Tamar (2 Sam. 13:1-22). But what should the victims and their families do with their pain? Do they resort to their own devices, or do they give it to God and His will?

 

An Innocent Life

 

Gradually, as the child in my body grew, both Steve and I began to change. It was a spiritual work. We grew attached to the little life inside me and delighted in its movements, just as we had marveled at the evidence of life when I carried Chad and Simon. This child was alive! It was a miracle that the child had escaped death.

It became clear that the baby was God’s child first, and it was as innocent as those conceived any other way. We grew astonished and ashamed that we could have ever imagined not keeping the baby.